A Survival Guide For Introverts

“Writing is something you do alone. Its a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don’t want to make eye contact while doing it.” ― John Green


Introvert Dilemmas

An introvert lives in constant peril from the outside world. We are everything that we need in a self-contained little bubble and everything outside of our bubble we treat with skepticism. The world is a big dangerous place, people are too peopley, and unfortunately, we still need to live in symbiosis with the rest of humanity.

What is an introvert to do?

Well, I aim to help, my fellow introverts. I, too, share your struggles and so I have collected a list of typical introvert scenarios with solutions to back them up. So, for all of you introverts out there – this one’s for you!


Introvert Problems And Solutions

Problem #1: It’s late one night and you’re out for a quiet walk after a hard day. You choose to go out at night because there are less people out at night. That’s less people that you have to bump into, so bravo. Great move. The stars are burning up the night sky, and there’s nothing to be heard except for the noise of the odd car passing by, and then all of a sudden you notice something awful. A person is walking directly towards you from down the sidewalk. You begin to fidget with your hands, look at your cell phone and switch between eye contact and staring at the ground awkwardly, but you have no idea what to do next.

Street

Solution #1: The solution for this common introvert dilemma can be unpredictable. Although avoidance is a great solution for almost all human interaction, it’s not always an option. Feel free to cross that street! Nobody’s going to be able to bother you way over there, but if you’re in a busy city, you’re in trouble. You may have people on both sides and that’s a sticky situation. You’re going to have to go with the less favorable and dramatic, stare at the cell phone trick. It’s a double-edged sword however, which leaves you vulnerable to walking into poles, so be careful. This is the atom bomb of introvert avoidance techniques. Use it sparingly!


Problem #2: You’re out in public and a person of the opposite sex nears you who is stunning in their magnificence. Your mouth gets all dry and your palms get sweaty, you try to avoid eye contact unless your blushes betray you. They stop you to ask for the time and you react over-zealously with excitement in order to hide your crippling internal panic. Things are about to get weird.

Talk

Solution #2: No worries, we’ve all been there before and these things happen. The first thing you’re going to want to do is stop the hysterical nervous giggling and check that watch! Don’t have a watch, check your cell phone. Don’t have a cell phone? Run! Otherwise, check that cell phone. If your voice cracks on you, just shove the phone in their face with your clock display. Then smile and walk away as quickly as possible. Feel free to bow or curtsy for bonus points, people love that stuff. That’s called being a class act!


Problem #3: You’re in the gym and your lifting your weights in a corner somewhere, so that most other people can’t see you. You have your music on and it’s all good. You’re jamming out to your tunes and you’re keeping track of your exercise. You’re just about to head over to a machine in a populated area of the gym, but your music player dies. You’re left vulnerable to conversation and peopley such. Your heart sinks in your chest.

Gym

Solution #3: No worries my friend, the first thing you’re going to want to do is leave those headphones in! As long as the other humans don’t notice that you’re not listening to music, they’ll avoid making conversation unless it’s a necessary. Feel free to bob your head a little in between sets to really sell it. If all else fails, quit the gym early and come back another day ‘less a gym bro asks you for a spot.


Problem #4: You’re dating a new girl or guy that you’ve met on the internet, because… Of course, you did! Anyways, their friend is having a party and you’ve been asked to come along. You don’t know anybody there or particularly want to go, but you want to be a cool, fun partner, so you agree to go anyways. Although our protective bubble feels good, we’re capable of acknowledging it’s not a bad thing to come out of it from time to time. We need to make this night a smashing success! But, how?

HouseGreeting

Solution #4: Arriving at a party unprepared is a death sentence for an introvert, and I’m not writing your eulogy! So, before you even think about leaving for this party I want you to research as many short jokes as you possibly can and random factoids. When an awkward pause happens in a conversation, throw out a joke or a factoid immediately. Awkward silence is the devil and hesitation spells doom, but no one likes a person that talks too much so even it out with silence. In 5 minute intervals, switch between rapid fire responses and both smiling and intense staring. Always stare. And smile. Smile and stare. Eventually they’ll move on to someone new to communicate with and you managed to come off charmingly. If you want to supplement your tactics, drink far too much alcohol to grease your gears or find some free food to eat – a lot! It’s impolite to talk with a full mouth. After an hour or two, look at your cell phone and start yawning until your significant other gets the hint. Your partner is surely the luckiest person at the party. Crisis averted!


Closing Remarks

There you have it my introvert friends. Real-life struggles call for real-life solutions. As always, I’m there to catch you when you fall. From one introvert to another;

May your roads traveled be free of people and your cell phone’s always fully charged! – Mathew, Blog of the Wolf Boy

P.s. This is terrible life advice, I’m aware.

Did any of these scenarios ring true for you? Would you like to see more?

Let me know in the comments below! Thanks for reading. 🙂

53 thoughts on “A Survival Guide For Introverts

  1. Matthew, I loved your post. It resonated with me. Funny thing is, so many people mistake me as an extrovert. Although I appreciate the company of others (well, specifically a chosen few – – – my own “Trusted Circle”), I love, love, love enjoying my precious company. I recharge and delight in my own sacred space. So happy to connect with a kindred spirit. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey 🙂
      I’m glad to meet you. I’ve been reading some of your work and I love it so far. You’re funny and you speak from the heart. Well-written and you look fun as heck in your picture there 😀

      I love my alone time too. Maybe too much sometimes. Surprisingly, I can switch into extrovert mode too for a few hours then I’m just exhausted. If I try to sociable for more then two days in a row, people better watch out 😛

      Liked by 1 person

      1. OMG! You got me bursting at the seams! I can super relate! It’s like I love coffee meet ups and all …. and then I get this sudden rush of “Okay, I gotta go now! ❤️” …… before I get all
        antsy and turn into ….. you wouldn’t want to know haha!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hahah… Well, I can tend to just start tuning people out after a few hours together and getting lost in my thoughts and daydreams.

        Some people have even gone as far as calling me a bad listener because of it. Oh, but I also can’t hold a conversation while the TV is going so maybe I just have ADHD or something. 😛 Hahah

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Woah! I can hear myself talking haha! Candidly, others get me ….. others don’t. Totally cool! 😎 I love it that way …. it’s my “natural screening process” ….. you’ll understand my heart more when you read my post a few minutes earlier …. straight from my heart …. and my head too!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Awesome that explains it! Flew to Canada with my husband…… we love your land …. and oh, you guys truly rock…. such kindness and coolness overflowing! ❤️ Kindness is definitely the best version of cool!😎

        Liked by 1 person

      2. We loved Vancouver! We plan to visit more of Canada 🇨🇦….. I loved your maple leaves 🍁 so full of beauty and hope!

        Wow cool you’re 30! And yet mature beyond your years. Awesome!

        I’m happily 48, turning 49 this September…. funny thing is I’m so excited to turn 50 eventually haha! Each year marks more growth, more life, more blessings, more love!

        We may not have kids, although we’re supremely blessed with nephews and nieces!

        And I’ve got a lot of “children” of various ages ….. my amazing and richly loved training participants (I’m a Corporate Training Consultant).

        So touched you took time to know me…. thanks so much Matthew!

        Would love to know your passions too! 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Well you look like you have the youth of a young lady in your heart still 😁

        I thought you were in your 20s by the looks of your little photo. I just visited Vancouver for the first time in my life this year. BC is my favorite part of Canada.

        I love your positive attitude..

        I’ll be happy to get to know you better and I believe your blog is going to do great. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      4. LOL! You made my day …. you’re a natural at making people feel great! You’ve got that amazing gift ….. so the “lucky” , oh I’d rather say the “blessed” ones in your life are the ones who are in to your secret of being so awesomely cool and positive …. you simply need to have your special time to recharge your batteries ….. then after that, your good to go haha

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Just an infant blogger so not even aware of “spam folder” on word press haha 😂 …..thanks so much for sharing your wonderful support! ❤️

        Like

      1. This is the answer of that test-

        Your energy style is a blend of Introversion and Extraversion, and as such, you are neither a true Introvert nor a true Extravert

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Mathew
    Great post, maybe if I were more of an introvert, I’d be a better writer 🤣🤣
    Maybe I should just tap into my dark side-if I even have one. I love to read scary, horror, or mystery books, I just can’t write them. In fact, I have a hard time with fiction in general, I try to make up a story but end up using one from my life and change the names and the facts. Anyway, wow, I got off topic there didn’t I 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s a brilliant post, speaking up for me. I am an introvert and a really shy girl who speaks very less, mostly because I ‘m scared I may not speak the perfect word or get entangled in some silly, meaningless gossip. But with writing, I can “speak” anything I want. Writing really gives us introverts power and courage, I think. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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