“Writing is something you do alone. Its a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don’t want to make eye contact while doing it.” ―
An introvert lives in constant peril from the outside world. We are everything that we need in a self-contained little bubble and everything outside of our bubble we treat with skepticism. The world is a big dangerous place, people are too peopley, and unfortunately, we still need to live in symbiosis with the rest of humanity.
What is an introvert to do?
Well, I aim to help, my fellow introverts. I, too, share your struggles and so I have collected a list of typical introvert scenarios with solutions to back them up. So, for all of you introverts out there – this one’s for you!
Introvert Problems And Solutions
Problem #1: It’s late one night and you’re out for a quiet walk after a hard day. You choose to go out at night because there are less people out at night. That’s less people that you have to bump into, so bravo. Great move. The stars are burning up the night sky, and there’s nothing to be heard except for the noise of the odd car passing by, and then all of a sudden you notice something awful. A person is walking directly towards you from down the sidewalk. You begin to fidget with your hands, look at your cell phone and switch between eye contact and staring at the ground awkwardly, but you have no idea what to do next.
Solution #1: The solution for this common introvert dilemma can be unpredictable. Although avoidance is a great solution for almost all human interaction, it’s not always an option. Feel free to cross that street! Nobody’s going to be able to bother you way over there, but if you’re in a busy city, you’re in trouble. You may have people on both sides and that’s a sticky situation. You’re going to have to go with the less favorable and dramatic, stare at the cell phone trick. It’s a double-edged sword however, which leaves you vulnerable to walking into poles, so be careful. This is the atom bomb of introvert avoidance techniques. Use it sparingly!
Problem #2: You’re out in public and a person of the opposite sex nears you who is stunning in their magnificence. Your mouth gets all dry and your palms get sweaty, you try to avoid eye contact unless your blushes betray you. They stop you to ask for the time and you react over-zealously with excitement in order to hide your crippling internal panic. Things are about to get weird.
Solution #2: No worries, we’ve all been there before and these things happen. The first thing you’re going to want to do is stop the hysterical nervous giggling and check that watch! Don’t have a watch, check your cell phone. Don’t have a cell phone? Run! Otherwise, check that cell phone. If your voice cracks on you, just shove the phone in their face with your clock display. Then smile and walk away as quickly as possible. Feel free to bow or curtsy for bonus points, people love that stuff. That’s called being a class act!
Problem #3: You’re in the gym and your lifting your weights in a corner somewhere, so that most other people can’t see you. You have your music on and it’s all good. You’re jamming out to your tunes and you’re keeping track of your exercise. You’re just about to head over to a machine in a populated area of the gym, but your music player dies. You’re left vulnerable to conversation and peopley such. Your heart sinks in your chest.
Solution #3: No worries my friend, the first thing you’re going to want to do is leave those headphones in! As long as the other humans don’t notice that you’re not listening to music, they’ll avoid making conversation unless it’s a necessary. Feel free to bob your head a little in between sets to really sell it. If all else fails, quit the gym early and come back another day ‘less a gym bro asks you for a spot.
Problem #4: You’re dating a new girl or guy that you’ve met on the internet, because… Of course, you did! Anyways, their friend is having a party and you’ve been asked to come along. You don’t know anybody there or particularly want to go, but you want to be a cool, fun partner, so you agree to go anyways. Although our protective bubble feels good, we’re capable of acknowledging it’s not a bad thing to come out of it from time to time. We need to make this night a smashing success! But, how?
Solution #4: Arriving at a party unprepared is a death sentence for an introvert, and I’m not writing your eulogy! So, before you even think about leaving for this party I want you to research as many short jokes as you possibly can and random factoids. When an awkward pause happens in a conversation, throw out a joke or a factoid immediately. Awkward silence is the devil and hesitation spells doom, but no one likes a person that talks too much so even it out with silence. In 5 minute intervals, switch between rapid fire responses and both smiling and intense staring. Always stare. And smile. Smile and stare. Eventually they’ll move on to someone new to communicate with and you managed to come off charmingly. If you want to supplement your tactics, drink far too much alcohol to grease your gears or find some free food to eat – a lot! It’s impolite to talk with a full mouth. After an hour or two, look at your cell phone and start yawning until your significant other gets the hint. Your partner is surely the luckiest person at the party. Crisis averted!
There you have it my introvert friends. Real-life struggles call for real-life solutions. As always, I’m there to catch you when you fall. From one introvert to another;
“May your roads traveled be free of people and your cell phone’s always fully charged!“ – Mathew, Blog of the Wolf Boy
P.s. This is terrible life advice, I’m aware.
Did any of these scenarios ring true for you? Would you like to see more?
Let me know in the comments below! Thanks for reading. 🙂