“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.” ― Rabindranath Tagore
Letters To Myself
I was out for a walk yesterday, and I was thinking about the intricacies of life. Not only the intricacies of life, but our perceptions of those details and how they change as we grow older. I pondered what I would tell my younger self, if I had the power to communicate with the old me, today. Not only that, but what if I had left myself a letter from when I was 13 and I could reply to it?
Now, my time machine only allows me to send one letter to the past, so I can’t keep a conversation going, unfortunately. 😦
From Thirteen Year Old Me To Thirty Year Old Me
Dear old guy,
What’s it like being thirty? Are the video games way better in 17 years? I hope you never hurt yourself, like I was afraid you might. I’ve cried sometimes thinking I’d never make it there. Life seems so damn hard. I don’t even have a clue about what to do with my life in the future. No body’s giving me the answers. I just feel lost.
These computer things are pretty cool though. I probably spend too much time on MSN Messenger. Mom always has to tell me to get off, so she can use the phone. I don’t like it! I can only imagine what superstars Smash Mouth must be 17 years from now! Best-Band-Ever! They’re probably selling out everywhere. I’ve heard you can find naked people on this internet thing, not that I would know. Does that still happen in the future? >.> <.<
Am I going to be ugly forever? I’m sick of being the misfit in school who always get laughed at. I wish you could write me back and give me the answers. I don’t understand why being healthy is so hard to do. I even eat the pizza pockets with some peppers in it. That’s like vegetables and stuff.
Anyways, I have to go. I have to meet my friend online to play Age of Empires. It’s my favorite game, but you already know that. See ya in 17!
Thirty Year Old Me To Thirteen Year Old Me
Dear young Mathew,
Don’t worry about being thirty, you’re going to enjoy it. You have your own place, your own vehicle, and you do whatever you want really. No parents to tell you how to live or any of that non-sense. You’re going to love it. I stayed up till 3 am last night, just cause, and I don’t really play video games anymore, sorry to disappoint you. The games have become pretty sweet though. I’ve even owned a virtual reality headset for a few months.
I’ve never tried to kill myself, you’re fine. You were in a bad environment at the time without a lot of good support or role models. Things have only improved the more you’ve grown, and therapy’s done your life wonders. I know that you feel lost and unsure of your future, but you will figure it out and do a lot of cool stuff a long the way. You just need to believe in yourself. You are capable of great things, but it might take you 30 years to figure out just what you want to do.
I know you have a lot of existential thoughts which cause you to feel great amounts of depression. I know you try to distract yourself from your thoughts in endless video games or other distractions, then can’t sleep at night because you’re left with nothing but those words that you’ve been hiding from. Well, thinking about life after death can be scary, especially when no one else around you thinks in the same way, or has any answers. These thoughts are going to be what pushes you to search for answers in some incredible places, but just know that death is not something to be feared. Living in fear is worse, because it’s just a form of death when you could be living, and life is great if you can just see the good in it. Don’t waste a lot of time on tears and fears, life is meant to be enjoyed.
Smash Mouth actually stopped being cool just a few years after you wrote me this. The last song I heard from them was about Justin Bieber. You don’t know who he is yet, but that’s not a bad thing. I guess they’re not All-Stars anymore. Computers have improved vastly. I have a phone that fits in my pocket and it’s many times superior to your computer at home. For your last question, people still put those photos on there, but you’re better off keeping something for the imagination. Sheesh! Just keep playing your video games.
Also – I know your relationship is bad with your Dad and it’s not going to get better, but it’s not your fault, it’s his and I’m sorry you have to deal with a parent like that. Just keep on being a mama’s boy and don’t worry about him. I know life is chaotic at your Mom’s too, but it gets better in a few years! Oh, and you’re going to get skinny in a few years and yes, you will have girlfriends. :p
Love, Future Mathew
What would your letters look like?
Feel free to do your own if you feel like it