“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.” ― Rabindranath Tagore
Letters To Myself
I was out for a walk yesterday, and I was thinking about the intricacies of life. Not only the intricacies of life, but our perceptions of those details and how they change as we grow older. I pondered what I would tell my younger self, if I had the power to communicate with the old me, today. Not only that, but what if I had left myself a letter from when I was 13 and I could reply to it?
Now, my time machine only allows me to send one letter to the past, so I can’t keep a conversation going, unfortunately. 😦
From Thirteen Year Old Me To Thirty Year Old Me
Dear old guy,
What’s it like being thirty? Are the video games way better in 17 years? I hope you never hurt yourself, like I was afraid you might. I’ve cried sometimes thinking I’d never make it there. Life seems so damn hard. I don’t even have a clue about what to do with my life in the future. No body’s giving me the answers. I just feel lost.
These computer things are pretty cool though. I probably spend too much time on MSN Messenger. Mom always has to tell me to get off, so she can use the phone. I don’t like it! I can only imagine what superstars Smash Mouth must be 17 years from now! Best-Band-Ever! They’re probably selling out everywhere. I’ve heard you can find naked people on this internet thing, not that I would know. Does that still happen in the future? >.> <.<
Am I going to be ugly forever? I’m sick of being the misfit in school who always get laughed at. I wish you could write me back and give me the answers. I don’t understand why being healthy is so hard to do. I even eat the pizza pockets with some peppers in it. That’s like vegetables and stuff.
Anyways, I have to go. I have to meet my friend online to play Age of Empires. It’s my favorite game, but you already know that. See ya in 17!
Mat
Thirty Year Old Me To Thirteen Year Old Me
Dear young Mathew,
Don’t worry about being thirty, you’re going to enjoy it. You have your own place, your own vehicle, and you do whatever you want really. No parents to tell you how to live or any of that non-sense. You’re going to love it. I stayed up till 3 am last night, just cause, and I don’t really play video games anymore, sorry to disappoint you. The games have become pretty sweet though. I’ve even owned a virtual reality headset for a few months.
I’ve never tried to kill myself, you’re fine. You were in a bad environment at the time without a lot of good support or role models. Things have only improved the more you’ve grown, and therapy’s done your life wonders. I know that you feel lost and unsure of your future, but you will figure it out and do a lot of cool stuff a long the way. You just need to believe in yourself. You are capable of great things, but it might take you 30 years to figure out just what you want to do.
I know you have a lot of existential thoughts which cause you to feel great amounts of depression. I know you try to distract yourself from your thoughts in endless video games or other distractions, then can’t sleep at night because you’re left with nothing but those words that you’ve been hiding from. Well, thinking about life after death can be scary, especially when no one else around you thinks in the same way, or has any answers. These thoughts are going to be what pushes you to search for answers in some incredible places, but just know that death is not something to be feared. Living in fear is worse, because it’s just a form of death when you could be living, and life is great if you can just see the good in it. Don’t waste a lot of time on tears and fears, life is meant to be enjoyed.
Smash Mouth actually stopped being cool just a few years after you wrote me this. The last song I heard from them was about Justin Bieber. You don’t know who he is yet, but that’s not a bad thing. I guess they’re not All-Stars anymore. Computers have improved vastly. I have a phone that fits in my pocket and it’s many times superior to your computer at home. For your last question, people still put those photos on there, but you’re better off keeping something for the imagination. Sheesh! Just keep playing your video games.
Also – I know your relationship is bad with your Dad and it’s not going to get better, but it’s not your fault, it’s his and I’m sorry you have to deal with a parent like that. Just keep on being a mama’s boy and don’t worry about him. I know life is chaotic at your Mom’s too, but it gets better in a few years! Oh, and you’re going to get skinny in a few years and yes, you will have girlfriends. :p
Love, Future Mathew
What would your letters look like?
Feel free to do your own if you feel like it
😉 Mathew, your younger self is a bit disrespectful. Your younger self starts the letter with, “Dear old guy”.
Since when thirty was considered old?
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Yeah, he was a little shit. Thirty is old when you’re 13! Hahah. I used to remember thinking 2 months of summer vacation felt like an eternity and now 2 months fly by in what feels like a matter of weeks.
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I loved reading the letters very much. It reminds me I am quite normal to write letters to my future self.
I can relate to your struggles very well. Sometimes I also doubt if I can survive to adulthood with such a life hating enemy some times peeping in my heart…
Your 30 year old self sounds like a fatherly figure to the 13 year old. It’s really great to read the letters. I hope you write more! 😃
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Thanks Dragon! It felt therapeutic to write. 😀
P.s. Keep an eye out for my posts on Wednesday, I have made a special one just for you. ❤
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Thank you so much 😃
Monday is Maths exam, and I wasn’t looking forward for it at all. But now, I am more than excited! Thank you so much 😃
Warmest regards!
How is your daughter? And how are you?
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My daughter is good. She has her first tooth in and she’s becoming a real wiggler and mover.
P.s. Your poem is up 😉
Good luck with your exam.
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Actually, I’ll release it tonight 😉
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Oooh I am so excited!! 💞😀😃
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9PM EST
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great post! glad to see things worked out well for 30-year old you. I did this with some online service where I wrote a letter to my future self, and at some future date that letter will be sent to me. I can’t even remember what I wrote in it, so I am looking forward to receiving it.
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Really? What was that service called? That’s pretty cool. I don’t think I would have the patience to be able to do that on my own with an actual letter.
P.s. Thank you 😀
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here is my blog about it: https://jborden.com/2019/04/13/dear-future-me/
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What a great idea for a novel, a mystery especially a bit about putting it online and being sent back.
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I give you permission to use this idea for your funny novels 😛
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But you must send me a copy after
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Man, you were a precocious and serious 13-year-old.
And you may be wrong about Smash Mouth. “All Star” came on the radio; my son’s friend turned it up and sang along. I was suddenly That Mom telling them I’d purchased the CD when it came out…
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Hahah! Well I still love their old stuff. Their new stuff is just weak. They were the first band who’s CD I ever purchased.
P.s. I was a pretty serious 13 year old but this is 30 year old me pretending to be my 13 year old self, so it’s probably not quite accurate hahah.
Thanks for reading
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My oldest is 13. Already has some signs of anxiety. It happens.
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Yeah it does. Hopefully he grows out of it or learns healthy coping habits.
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A very random question but I really wanted to know… When is your birthday? 😃
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Sept 28, how come?
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Well, my birthday is on 7 September so it’s close… I like knowing birthdays a lot. 😃
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Ooo, I will do my best to remember but I suck with dates and names to be honest!
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Oh, I don’t think it’s necessary to remember 😃😊 I was just asking because birthdays can mean many things 😀
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Check your poem on my blog 😛
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Oh I did just now… And can’t express how much I LOVED it…!! Thank you so much 😃💞… It’s a most precious gift! It warmed my heart and send shivers down my spine. I reblogged it… Hope you don’t mind 😊
Thank you so much again!
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Does anyone mind when their posts are reblogged? Hahah. I’m just glad you’ve enjoyed it. I was hoping you would 😀
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I am really, truly feeling blessed!!
My gratitude journal is filled with your name and this poem in big letters! Can’t really express myself 😀😊💕🌸🎊
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Have a wonderful day! Time for me to shower and actually leave the house! ❤
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And time for me to go to sleep 😊
Umm… Leaving the house? Work? Or shifting? 😃
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No work. Going to visit my darling baby. It’s about 3pm here 😀
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A lot of time differences 😃
Where is your daughter? I hope not at hospital…
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Oh no. They gave her some antibiotics that day and a cream, and we were sent home. Shes with her Mom 2 minutes away and I see her every day now 😁🥰
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Oh, maybe I am bit worrier. 😃
I hope all are fine! Take care and have a great day ahead! 💕
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Thanks Dragon! I’m just busy trying to prepare for school and work for next month. I hope you’re well too. 😊
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School? Your daughter’s school? 😃
Take care too 💕
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University for me. I want to Major in English
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I really enjoy reading this. Very interesting….
Much emotions, but I finish it with a ok feeling… it felt good that there was a flash of light and hope and faith.
You deserve all the best🌸
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Thanks as always Orki! ❤
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My pleasure Mathew.
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I loved this.
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Thank you!
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Well done, thoughtful and insightful!
As for me, my thirteen-year-old self would have taken the letter to our dad and asked him to explain how such a thing were possible. Then she’d play devil’s advocate until he finally told her it to just chalk it up to Divine Mystery.
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😂 – If my daughter brought me a letter from her future self I would think some creepy adult is playing a trick on her
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I love reading thoughts that I had written in a different mood or stage of life. Sometimes the thoughts and emotions catch me by surprise still. They help me to remember what kind of person I want to be and motivate me to keep pushing. To make sure I am a person that my own 13-year old version would be proud of. Teen years were rough; I wish I could go back and tell myself to not worry about petty behaviours and being liked but instead to just enjoy and explore.
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Same! I wish I could start life over and do it all again with the confidence and smarts that I have now. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment 😊
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Take the chance to fix and get it right now for your future. That is what I always remind myself as motivation
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Very true! And that’s what I’m doing. Always one step forward 😉
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