A Survival Guide For Introverts – Part II

“Now that you’re an adult, you might still feel a pang of guilt when you decline a dinner invitation in favor of a good book. Or maybe you like to eat alone in restaurants and could do without the pitying looks from fellow diners. Or you’re told that you’re “in your head too much”, a phrase that’s often deployed against the quiet and cerebral.
Or maybe there’s another word for such people: thinkers.”
Susan Cain


Introvert Dilemmas

Since the first introvert survival guide was a fair success, I thought that I would try my hand at another. After all, there’s no limit to the introverted troubles that we may find ourselves in. There are constantly people and obligations which push their ways into our introverted bubbles and so we need to be prepared to counter these troubles with real solutions!

So, let’s begin!


Introvert Problems And Solutions

Lonely

Problem #1: In between reading books and binge watching series all to yourself, you’ve been getting kind of lonely lately. Life’s so damn great when you have your own space to be able to expand that large cranium of yours with useful information and awesome creative stuff, except it’s not much fun having all of that without anyone to share it with. So what’s a lonely introvert to do?

Solution #1: Well, first of all – let’s consider our options. Bars are out of the question, since no one needs another drunk for a friend, and you shouldn’t need to get hammered to make friends either.  So that’s out. We could go to the library and talk about books with other introverts like us but two shy people trying to talk can be quite comical in it’s execution. Make plenty of friends online, join a book club, push yourself out of your comfort zone and try new things. There are tons of apps out there to mingle with others from the comfort of your own bubble now!


Pizza

Problem #2: You’re hungry with the desire for a million pizzas, although you’ve decided that you will settle for just one. You painstakingly craft your Italian masterpiece through the web app of your favorite pizza place, but when you go to process your order you receive an error! The web app isn’t working. 😦 Oh, no. Your hands begin to shake. Are you going to make the dreaded phone call?

Solution #2: Well, spend an additional 20-30 minutes trying to get the web app to work. “Maybe next time, maybe next time”, you tell yourself as you begin to get hungrier and hungrier. The phone call could be so awkward and you might stumble on your order, and what if they try to up-sell you? Yuck, unbearable! The app’s still not working. Forget it, let’s cook pasta.


RoadTrip

Problem #3: You’re taking a road trip to a location in another city that you’re not familiar with. You’ve lost yourself along the way, your cell phone is all out of data, and there’s no GPS in your vehicle. Oh god, you might have to ask for directions. The torture…

Solution #3: Well, we could ask someone random on the street for directions but ugh… What if we’re disturbing their walk. What if they hate us for it. Am I being neurotic? Let’s just go buy a coffee or something cheap and ask that person! Then they must help us with our questions!


Romance

Problem #4: You’ve met a girl or boy that you’ve absolutely fallen head over heels for. You’ve exchanged a few words and you have a good feeling about the possibilities but you’re not quite sure what to do. It would be far too embarrassing if you guessed wrong their intentions and were rejected, so you sit back and contemplate your options. What’s a quiet introvert to do?

Solution #4: Simple! It’s time to begin the introvert mating ritual where you find them online and creep every single one of their social media accounts. Lead a little trail of breadcrumbs back to you with likes and hearts or whatever nonsense is on your social media. Now, is the time for you to foster that inorganic, organic relationship! The more likes, the more they’ll know you’re hot under the collar for them. It’s only a matter of time now until they fall into your trap. 😉


Closing Remarks

There you have it my introvert friends. Real-life struggles call for real-life solutions. As always, I’m there to catch you when you fall. From one introvert to another;

May your roads traveled be free of people and your cell phone’s always fully charged! -Mathew, Blog of the Wolf Boy

P.s. This is somewhat terrible life advice from the mind of a neurotic introvert and it’s not to be taken completely seriously! It’s intended to be slightly comical, use any of the advice in this post with extreme caution. 😀

Opinions? Comments? Let me know down below and thanks for reading. 🙂

40 thoughts on “A Survival Guide For Introverts – Part II

  1. Ahahaha—“introvert mating ritual!” That’s so accurate!
    I will say when I was fifteen and met Campbell, I did the same thing, except it was 1999 and there were no social media accounts on which to creep him. Sadness. So I physically stalked him instead. 😬😂 We met in a youth group for high schoolers and college students. We were in the band together, but I was too shy to talk to him. (He played guitar, I played viola and sang.) Worst of all, I couldn’t remember his name, so that made me even more afraid to say anything. I remember sort of hiding behind pillars in the church sanctuary, listening to his conversations and waiting to hear someone say his name. Alas. Two weeks went by and I still didn’t know his name. During one of these creep-moments from behind a pillar, I watched as a girl fawned all over him about his guitar playing, blah, blah, just-kill-me-now. Campbell either totally missed her intentions (a quality I love about him—I overthink and overanalyze everything; he takes everything at face value and is, in a word, chill), or he was just trying to be polite, but he proceeded to show her two chords on the guitar. They were not your typical chords, but were high up the neck and worked as a substitute for an F# slide down to em, and me being the music/introvert nerd I am, I committed the hand shapes to memory, and decided then and there that I would teach myself guitar that week on my Mom’s old classical guitar, and show him the two chords next time and he would be so impressed that………
    Wait. That would be exceedingly creepy and awkward, I decided.
    Nevertheless, I went home and learned those two chords and taught myself guitar over the next few weeks/months to impress him. (I didn’t end up playing guitar for him until I was 17 and we were dating. Fast toward even more and we spent several years playing electric guitar together in a rock band.)
    I finally heard someone say his name one day—a guy friend, who called him “Campbell.” I didn’t know at the time that his first name was actually Chris, so I called him Campbell too. And still do, even after marrying him.
    The following May, seven months after meeting him, I used my birthday as an excuse to talk to him for more than a few painfully awkward minutes by inviting him to me and my twin’s birthday party. He came and it was at a ranch/resort (friends from church owned it and let us use it for free for our sixteenth), so Campbell and I played every game together there—tennis, pool, shuffle board, etc. I’m not a competitive person unless you’re arrogant because then I want to beat you 😉 but I wanted to do that with him because I wanted to know if 1. He’d let me win. Which would‘be been insulting and unacceptable. And 2. How he’d take it when I destroyed him in table tennis. (I’d won several competitions at that point and was quite good.)
    Needless to say, he didn’t let me win anything, but in a nice, fun way, and he was genuinely impressed and totally cool about it when I beat him in table tennis. He liked me more after that because I hadn’t let him win either.
    The rest is history.
    Introvert mating rituals actually work sometimes!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This was hilarious! 😀 You hit the nail on the head here – I’m half-introvert/half-extrovert, so I still relish a good book over a crowded bar with friends, but I’m slowly extending my comfort zone to try more social events with strangers. Susan Cain’s ‘The Power of Quiet’ is such a relatable book!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. It’s Susan Cain’s book (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking) about the perks of being an introvert & how being a charismatic assertive speaker doesn’t always mean you’ve got the best ideas.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Comical? It’s not comical at all! No, it is 🙂 But I’ll never call for take out only by app. When I have to make a phone call to somebody I do not know, I can spend 1 or 2 days contemplating when I’ll call and what I’ll say. I just don’t like phones I think.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Ahhh the trials of the introverts 🙂 For Problem 1, I started my own book club, which was a HUGE step outside my comfort zone. But I’m glad I did it, because now I get to talk literature at least once a month withe like-minded folks! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  5. My current problem: I had a leaky pipe from my bathroom above my kitchen that cause ceiling damage. My insurance company informs me that my condo corporation’s insurance should be covering it as per legislation around condos. But they want ME to call the condo corporation to tell them that. They also warned me the condo corporation will try to argue that it’s my responsibility. This happened three weeks ago. I sent an email to the condo Corp last week with no response. I still haven’t called. 😩

    Liked by 3 people

  6. #1 and #3 is totally me. Yes it’s such a torture to stop a stranger to ask for direction. I will totally get to a cafe and get the cheapest thing they have so that I can casually slid the question. But, I after marrying an extrovert, I have another problem. He insist on going out to speak to anyone who’s willing and I’m stuck waiting in the car for a while, or sinking down on the passenger seat because I feel so embarrassed for him. 😂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s