“I love the way people talk crap. I hear it all the time. ‘Overrated.’ ‘You suck.’ I’ll just do something to shut them up, like, ‘I’ll show you.” – Bryce Harper
A How-to Guide for Minimal Suckage
Howdy, today we’re talking about blogging and not just blogging, but sucky blogging. Not only sucky blogging, but we are going to fix these mistakes on a sucky blog so we can all suck much less. We all have the power in us to achieve minimal suckage, we just need to channel that power properly, and give those suck muscles a break.
Chapter 1 – Make it Not Boring
Lesson number one to de-suck a blog, you have to make it not boring. Give the reader some variety. Be creative. Try something new that all of the other bloggers out there aren’t already doing.
Don’t bother asking yourself questions like:
- “What makes my blog different?”
- “What makes my blog standout?”
- “How can I make things more exciting?”
These are all fantastic questions to ask yourself if you’re trying to improve your site, but we’re looking to minimize suckage… So, how can our blog’s suck less?
- Does your blog have a sucky boring text font, a sucky drab background and sucky pictures?
- Is the header of your blog “JohnSmithsBlog” or “MoistMoistMoist”?
- Do your posts consist of mostly low-effort write-ups and direct links or quotations of other things you’ve found on the internet?
- Are your posts other people’s original work?
- Is it boring stuff like how your newspaper is usually on your porch every Tuesday, but this Tuesday it wasn’t, and now you have nothing to read with your tea?
Oh man… Just talking about it is making my suck meter go crazy!!!
Chapter 2 – Don’t Suck as a Human
No one likes to hear this one but if you want to de-suck your blog then you’re going to have to de-suck yourself… Was that poor wording? …Not in a sexual way you perverts, but who’s that flexible anyways?
What I actually meant by de-suck yourself, is don’t be the type of person that people don’t want to know. If your blog has been created as a platform for you to spread your hate agenda, to belittle minorities or to virtually suck yourself by bragging about your sweet life (again, not sexually, of course)…
That would make your blog a little bit sucky… Because you are your blog! Your blog is you! And your blog is here to serve others in some way. What are your readers gaining by reading your blog? How is it improving their lives in some way?
Just remember, if you’re a genuinely kind person and your blog is not receiving the attention that it deserves. It doesn’t mean you suck as a human, some other part of your blog might just need some more refining. These things take time, and we all want to see you succeed. 😀
Let’s end this chapter before I cross a line accidentally…
Chapter 3 – Don’t Make your Blog Suck to Navigate
This one definitely takes the cake for most popular blog suckage technique, some blogs seem to just thrive on suckage! But, by thrive, I don’t mean thrive… They wallow in it.
When you’re new to the game it’s going to take you a few months to pick up the way of things and to create something that works for you, but if you’ve been blogging for multiple months and a new user can’t figure out how to access your blog posts within 15 seconds of being on your homepage; well then, your blog sucks. Maybe not everything about your blog sucks, but the navigation of your blog sucks.
Try to access your website in the same way that a new user might, straight to your homepage, pretend you’ve never been to your blog before and then ask yourself honestly:
- How easy is it to find your latest blog posts?
- Are your most important blog posts easily accessible?
- Do you have lots of posts with no search bar?
- Do you lack categories, but post about a variety of things?
- How can can things become simpler while minimizing suckage?
Chapter 4 – Don’t Close Yourself Off to Human Interaction
One of the suckiest things you can do with your blog is to keep your comments closed entirely. I understand that some professional looking publications do this on WordPress, but it’s not going to work for the average blogger who will be relying on human interaction to gain repeat visitors.
What is a blog exactly, if there’s no human interaction? Blogging is all about interacting with other people, otherwise you’ve really just created a sad lonely journal made available for all to see. I understand that some people might have anxieties about others saying something hurtful or it might seem scary to invite strangers to comment on your words, but I’m telling you now… most bloggers are good people or at least try to be on this platform, and there’s no need to worry about the ones who have already fully maximized their blog suckage.
There’s always the option to moderate your comments as well, like many do (I do). This gives you the added benefit of controlling the comments which are being allowed on to your blog. So no public shaming of your blog can happen because some guy didn’t like your opinion that the ending of Lost seemed written by a guy who puked up Alphagetti and turned it into a script .
Chapter 5 – Check your Spelling for Suckage
Somthing that cen really bug a serius writer is when your spelling sucks (or your grammar)! Most computers now-days come with handy dandy programs that perform a set of anti-suckage analytics on your spelling and grammar for free! So, there’s no good reason to let too many mistakes slip through into your final draft. Occasionally, you will notice a few typos, even on the best blogs, but it shouldn’t become the norm.
Want to expand your vocabulary? Easy, start looking up the definitions of words you don’t know. Want to get better at spelling things right? Use auto-correct and watch for your mistakes. I have noticed that sometimes the “WordPress” generic auto-corrector doesn’t label legitimate words as being legitimate. Third-party apps like grammarly seem to do a far better job of working as a grammar and spellchecker, but it all works to your advantage. When in doubt, Google.
“Why do they call it a spelling bee?”
Chapter 6 – Don’t Blog If It’s Not Fun
If your blog is feeling kind of sucky, then there’s a good chance that you’re having no fun writing on it. The funny thing about writing, which I’ve discovered over time, is that the emotions that you’re feeling inside are conveyed through your words and your voice.
Sometimes when people say to an author, “I really like your writing” or “I like your voice”, what they are really saying is that they appreciate the way his or her mind works! For writing is just another way of expressing language. Letters mean nothing. Alone, words mean nothing. It’s putting them all together in a certain pattern which expresses a thought or an emotion, and which creates a reading experience for your viewers.
When we are feeling happy or sad or confident or disheartened, it comes through in our writing. It’s unavoidable. We are our words! If you do end up writing while in a bad mood, edit it again the next morning and try to balance your projected emotions. It happens.
Beyond that, there are little things we can do with our writing to make it more fun for ourselves and our readers. We can write about what we enjoy the most, our interests and passions. When we get bored of what we normally write about, we can start writing about something new. Don’t listen to most blogging gurus telling you that you need to fit inside a genre box. You don’t have to. If we become tired of blogging, we can take a break from it and gather ideas. We can write things which we find funny, and if others find it funny too, great! If they don’t, oh well, at least you made yourself laugh and you learned something…
Chapter 7 – Don’t Quit, It’s a Learning Experience
No matter where you are right now in your blogging experience, as long as you’re looking for ways to enhance your blog, then you also have the ability to do just that. Nothing wonderful is ever created instantaneously, or at least very few things in life are…
There are also very few things in life which are beyond our ability to change or improve. Sorry to get all meta on you here, but this applies to every single aspect of your life. I firmly believe that when faced with obstacles of almost any variety, we can improve our circumstances with the right positive attitude and a persistence in overcoming said obstacles. If everyone was born being awesome, than life would be quite boring and no one would stand out. The beauty of life lay in the possibilities and manipulating growth to become awesome.
Sometimes we just need to try to keep our emotions out of it, take a step back and figure out exactly where we are sucking the most and then work our asses off to minimize that suckage while maximizing our strengths! That’s the secret!
Know any other secrets for minimizing blog suckage?
Leave your thoughts and comments down below!