It’s been some time since I’ve given an update about what’s been going on with me. Well, to be fair, there’s quite a lot going on with me. I’ve mentioned in the past that I’ve struggled with social anxieties, self-doubt, generalized anxieties and depression, etc. These things may partially fuel my drive for following politics and encouraging my interest in activism. I think too much about the future and the possibilities of everything, to the point that sometimes I lose my present.
This habit began to reach a critical point for me a few weeks back when I took my blogging break because I was beginning to doubt my ability to provide for myself the future that I wanted. My negative thinking was taking over my life and I felt like I was spiraling some days. I’ve never experienced too many panic attacks in the past, but they were starting to happen to me more frequently. It’s very disturbing to feel out of control of your life, and just thinking about that panicky feeling now kind of gives me anxiety.
I’ve been kind of an anxious person for the majority of my life, but when I was younger I used to find security in the belief that I would outgrow it at some point and just become some super-confident dude all of a sudden. Maybe I will become that one day, who knows, but that day hadn’t arrived just yet. I could put on a good show on my challenging days, but there’s still a part of me that likes to wear down my confidence.
I’ve mentioned before that I’ve started taking some SSRI’s for the first time in my life after finally overcoming the stigma against them. They’ve noticeably improved my life in a few weeks. My reactions to normal stressors have become more mild now compared to sometimes over-the-top reactions of the past. My social anxiety is much less and I’m not afraid to speak with people at random while I’m out and about if I feel like it. I can also smile a little easier. Anyways, I guess I just wanted to say that taking something which helps your moods while you work on better thought processes is a smart thing to do. It’s not something anyone should feel afraid of or ashamed about, it’s safe and it can help. I wish I’d tried it years ago, because it gives you the power of reasonable thought back to work on fixing your broken thought patterns for the future when you do decide to try living again without them.
This last week off of school has also helped me to start looking for a job around town, and I’ve even picked up a little bit of temporary work which helps to fill my unemployment gap. I’m way ahead on my school assignments and prepping for mid-terms next week. Life is pretty good anyways, so I can’t complain, and best of all, I’ve been spending lots of time with my little girl which has been truly awesome! 😀
Besides all of that, as you know, I’ve suddenly returned to blogging after feeling like I was missing out on something that I enjoy after just being away for one week. Blogging’s a great place to vent and even heal in many ways, there’s also so many great people here. Poetry is also good for me, I think because it’s like breaking off a little piece of yourself and sharing it with the world. So is all writing in some ways, but I feel poetry shares something about another persons soul. I suppose I don’t become emotionally vulnerable with others in the real world too often because it’s difficult for me to do that. I’ve some stubborn defenses on me. Yet, I don’t have these issues blogging as much.
Anyways, I hope everybody’s been doing well.
Thanks for sticking by me while I go through some adjustments!
I appreciate you!
On a side note; I’ll be opening up my blog to poetry guest posts very soon. I already have a few in store from some of my favorite bloggers. So, if you’d be interested in submitting a poem for my “Wild Poetry” guest poetry series, send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org with your poem. Preference will be given to poems nature related, freedom inspired or having to do with the human spirit.