“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones
Identity and Mental Health
Happy Monday wolf cubs,
So, I haven’t written about myself in a while. I’ve been kind of hesitant to blog lately, partially because my mind has been so absorbed by this pandemic and partially because I’ve been losing myself in endless amounts of video games and daddy-daughter play dates rather than writing. Anyways, I thought I might try to write a bit about what’s new and happening with me.
As some of my followers may remember, back in September after starting University, life’s stressors finally got to me and I decided to seek some help for ongoing issues that I’ve had with social anxiety and depression etc. I was mildly medicated and things have improved quite a bit emotionally, however, I’ve never been able to shake this feeling that there is something different about me compared to others. Not in an arrogant way, but every social situation has put me on edge since I was younger. I’ve always had kind of a difficult time establishing deep and meaningful long-lasting relationships, and I’ve always tended to be somewhat absorbed by whatever it is that I’m interested in at the time (sometimes at the expense of those around me). I’ve never really minded being alone too much and I often don’t like being around people, but sometimes I can feel desperately needy too…
Well, a few years ago I had taken an online assessment for Autism Spectrum from a trustworthy source and discovered that I was at high risk for having the disorder. At the time I had wanted to see somebody about it, but I wasn’t sure how to go about it and I just kind of forgot about it for a while. Recently, after taking another test again and finding that I was high risk once more, I’ve decided to take the plunge and connect with my doctor about seeing a psych for a possible diagnosis.
I’ve only met this new doctor once so far, and we are slowly working through this but I am learning more about myself and that makes me quite happy. I don’t want to talk about it all just yet, until I have my official diagnosis, but I’ve so far found out that I may be ADHD among other things. All of these things that I may have been living with for 31 years that I was hiding and trying to “be normal” when inside I was really desperately struggling and felt very alone, so it’s quite exciting for me to possibly have answers soon.
So, that’s where I am and what’s been keeping me busy besides watching over my daughter while day-cares are shut down here in Ontario. My love-life has take a dramatic plunge into the abyss with this quarantine stuff, but hey, that break is probably for the best anyways since I still have other things to deal with before I can probably maintain a healthy relationships. I’m also taking this time to try and step back from alcohol once more and attempt to put it behind me. No better time for some serious life changes then during the apocalypse, I suppose!
I hope you are all staying sane out there. I know this self-isolation business can take a toll on all of us and our mental health. We will all get through this, but in the meanwhile, please be safe and look after yourselves and each other.